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Many parents prefer not to tell their children about their new relationship until it becomes more serious, usually after a few months.That’s normally my advice too, but it seems kids in Hadfield’s study didn’t like being lied to—and sometimes resented their parent’s new lover when they were finally introduced.In truth, most ex-lovers are not going to want the contact.But for those who do, and feel connected, a few visits, birthday cards, and texts could make the transition a lot smoother for everyone involved. As far as entering new romantic relationships when you’re a parent, there seem to be two competing ideas about how to handle telling the kids.Wait instead until the relationship is getting serious.That seems to be the best time to share what’s happening. If you’re fortunate enough to go from dating to moving in together and forming a blended family, what role should the new stepparent play?
The fact is, kids don’t really want to meet all those new partners, even if they say they do.
There are no firm rules here, and a lot will depend on the reasons for the original family breakdown, and if there have been other stepparents in the child’s life.
Children, however, seem to like consistency—and that means whatever rules they’ve been living with before their stepparent showed up should be the same rules they keep having to follow.
The worse thing a romantic partner can try and do is parent a child who doesn’t want them to be there.
In situations like that, it may be best for the new partner to think of themself more as the child’s uncle or aunt: a friendly, supportive person who occasionally holds children to account for what they do.