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Many are deluded by popular pornography culture into thinking that there are actually men out there who are total slobs, yet, are adored by women the globe over.Nice guys might even offer up personal testimony, instances when they were indeed very nice guys, they took women on dates, they bought them flowers, they did everything right, yet, still didn’t get the girl.• “I didn’t want him to stop liking me.” • “I figured she’d think something was wrong with me.” • “I thought we were supposed to.” • “But he really wanted to, so….” It is heartbreaking to me that so many people, of all ages, do not realize that it is their right to say no to sex—at any stage of a relationship.In new relationships, people’s attitudes about having sex … are all wrapped up in fear, insecurity, societal programming, short-term thinking, and much more.If you are not there yet, either physically or emotionally, and need more time… For most people (women especially) an emotional connection is a vital precursor to physical intimacy. In our culture that fact has been lost, with our media blasting us daily with messages about how to become more attractive to others. For example, if there is a lot of alcohol involved, or the situation is uncomfortable, or if there is no protection available…these are times when people say no, whether or not they are interested, in theory, in sex with someone. ” There are two participants in this conundrum, the no-sayer, and the no-hearer.
Change your thinking and the language you use with yourself. ” Think instead about: • “How do I feel in his/her presence? ” Guidelines to live by: • Know what you want and don’t settle for less. If someone persists after you have said no, leave immediately. Not only will you feel more comfortable and secure, you will be truly empowered.
Is the guy telling the girl she has pretty eyes just so he can sleep with her, or does he genuinely and authentically think she has pretty eyes? The one running theme throughout all of this discourse on both sides of the fence is the constant expectation of sex and romantic interactions on the behalf of men, and the intimations of constant deflation of the behalf of women every time they meet what seems like a nice guy who turns out to be anything but nice.
Does the guy who’s offering her a ride when her car is in the shop genuinely want to do this for her — does he do it with his guy friends too, or is it only her, and infused with the expectation of sex or affection? He may have mimicked the behaviors of nice people well, but his intentions were far from what he communicated with those behaviors.
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