Dating video goes wrong

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It’s easy to get sucked in by articulate charmers, especially if you have somewhat of a “fix it” or savior complex; Even after the breakup, you want to see true change in the person. When I’d kindly but firmly decline his invitation for dinner or coffee, as I always did, he’d find ways to press buttons that made me hurt all over again.

One moment, it was “you were the best girlfriend I’ve ever been with,” and the next “we were never really together.” I’d smile, tell him I wished him well, and bite back the floodgates.

I was numb to new prospects, and unsure what I was looking for.

For me, dating has always been about building a long-term connection—one that I had never been able sustain.

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I recall a series of ups and downs, in which I felt completely inadequate as a relationship partner. He always made me believe in his intentions, before retracting his words and making me feel crazy for believing his previous sentiments would hold weight.

These men would retreat often, pushing me away, before returning with more promises about the kind of guy they were, sprinkling pretty words all over my tattered heart. Only I defined and chose my type, my type did not choose me, and I had the power to turn the tides. It also dawned on me that I hadn’t been called upon to “solve” any of their problems.

I believed them, because there wasn’t another option; their behavior was all I knew, and everything I was conditioned to cope with. These friends built me up, and they never packed drama.

As I mentally leafed through the pages of that dating history, reflecting on the type of guys that I had chosen, a frightening pattern of similarities emerged.

They’d all pursued me with strong initial interest.

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