Dating a metrosexual man

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They quickly developed a cognate concept of the "midlife metrosexual," donning earrings and humming the theme song from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.Metrosexual car dealerships, metrosexual muffler shops, and even metrosexual lawn-care services began springing up everywhere.It was enough to make a young urban man with a refined aesthetic sense write home to Mother.Further fueling such discontent were approximately 97 million baby boomers, who annex (and thereby destroy) everything.For example, at the very same moment that the New York Times was hyperventilating about hip young males forking over 5 for blue jeans, USA Today was publishing a troubling report that the largest group of male clothing buyers consisted of ordinary guys who liked khakis and loose-fitting shirts and who "tend to buy out of need, such as replacing a frayed shirt or stained trousers." This was chilling news.If USA Today was correct and most men were still enthralled by khaki, how were the outnumbered fashionistas going to seize the palace and proclaim a metrosexual republic?Pro wrestlers began appearing in the ring in microbikinis, bathing their bodies in cold cream to easily avoid the grasps of their opponents.The term "metrosumosexual" soon entered the vernacular to describe heterosexual men who did not mind people thinking they were fat.

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Before you knew it, the revolution had consumed its own children. Let us not forget that the men's movement of the early 1990s was originally canonized by the national media, who then as now thought they were in the presence of a dramatic zeitgeist shift ushering in a watershed era of male demureness. But then it was revealed that the men's movement consisted almost entirely of middle-aged misogynist schnooks, and the craze abruptly expired.

And then at a pickup basketball game on a scorching late-summer afternoon, the teams were divided up not by "shirts" and "skins," but by "hirsutes" and "exfoliateds." Oh, no!

Metrosexual dementia was invading my refined, low-key, super-non-cutting-edge suburban hamlet! Devouring newspapers, magazines, and Michael Flocker's hastily assembled Metrosexual Guide to Style, I learned that members of the new tribe had cobbled together their mix-and-match personalities from traits shared by soccer star David Beckham, gridiron matinee idol Jason Sehorn, noted thespians Alan Alda and Antonio Banderas, rock singers David Bowie and Sting, director Guy Ritchie, and politician Al Gore.

Sensing that the metrosexual powers-that-be were seeking to marginalize them, the fat community began developing its own subculture.

Pudgy, exfoliated young men began turning up at Wim Wenders film festivals.

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