Dating a divorced man with grown children

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It’s that old programming baby boomer women still struggle with. Suck it up, stuff it down, be quiet and don’t make waves. It is where we accept what life is handing out right now and the fighting is done.

I have identified four distinct stages in the journey to wholeness. Women think if we ignore it, maybe it will go away or time will heal all wounds. It has to be unearthed and acknowledged before it will pass away. You have decided what you do and do not want, what you will and will not stand for, and are making decisions to move forward with or without the resolution you may have hoped for. Nobody had a perfect childhood – at least nobody in my generational gene pool.

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After all, moms have eyes in the backs of their heads and are equipped with the unusual ability to read minds, right? Scott Peck wrote, “Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs.” The pinch point for grandmothers is that any loss of relationship with our adult children means strained relations – if not severed ties – with the grandchildren who now light up our lives. I stayed with their father for more than 20 years believing that somehow I could make him feel loved enough to change.

Over time, each of my children has drawn close to me for healing, and pulled away for the same reason.

Where do you find yourself in the process of letting your adult children go?

When the man you love has adult children from a previous marriage, your relationship with those children can be challenging.For example, when you search for a film, we use your search information and location to show the most relevant cinemas near you.We also use this information to show you ads for similar films you may like in the future.Our lives become (or continue to be) a carefully constructed illusion based on how it looks, what people will think, and what we imagine will get us the love and security we so desperately crave. Pain that gets buried alive poisons the rest of our lives. You are free to stay or go because you have become dedicated to reality at all costs. We all did the best we could with what we had to work with at the time. The biggest healer for women in daughter divorces is to break the shame by breaking the silence.This is why grandmothers continue to “make peace at all costs” rather than saying what they see, need and want. Pretending that everything is okay when in our hearts we know that is not true can only go so far. Divorce is a harsh word when applied to our mother-child relationships, isn’t it? Divorce occurs when all communication has broken down and attempts at reconciliation fail. With divorce comes all the drama of severed relationships, he-said she-said finger pointing, and drama triangles where people talk about each other, but never directly to one another so healing could occur. Do I wish I had capacity back then to do some things differently? Do I regret what I allowed my children to endure because of the choices I made? Is there anything I can do now to go back and change it? Does it serve anyone for me to live in remorse and regret? Let’s talk about what’s real and how to help live dreams without drama in our later years.

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